The pressures of
parenthood weigh heavily on us parents. From financial provisions, emotional
capability (or “readiness” as some like to call it) to caregiving, it’s no
doubt that parenthood can bring a fair share of worry, as well as an immense
amount of joy, to every couple.
To moms in particular,
the constant threat to mommy bliss is relentless pressure. Moms, you know what
I’m talking about. From childbirth to raising your kids, the debates over what
road to take have paved the way for more options which has also meant for some
of us a constant questioning if you’re doing right or enough. Worse, it’s also paved
the way for some disparity (even animosity for some) between mothers. C’mon,
I’m sure you’re familiar with the debates over natural and conventional
childbirth, breastfeeding vs formula feeding, organic vs non-organic,
home-schooling vs big school, the list goes on and on. The problem with these
issues is not the concepts themselves, it’s the sneaking idea that your worth
as a mother depend on them. And may I add, Time’s issue with the three-year old
child breastfeeding on his mom standing up with the cover line, “Are you mom
enough?” really put gasoline onto the fire. Grr!
My personal experience in
mom-pressure has been linked almost exclusively with sleep training. For months
since bringing home Gabbie, I agonized over the fact that he woke up every two
hours to feed. I pored through sleep training sites, Baby Wise books, read
about Elizabeth Pantley’s No-Cry Sleep Solution, and other
how-to-get-your-baby-to-sleep-through-the-night literature. Practically all
told me that my baby should have been sleeping through the night by now. The
sinking feeling I had was that he wasn’t because there’s something I’m doing wrong. It wasn’t until I had a
revelation one day looking at my son, smiling and giggling so happily, that
I’ve come to terms with his sleeping habits. I realized, his constant feeding
has helped him sleep better and longer, and that might have a significant
impact on his happy, cheerful disposition. So why try to force him to sleep
straight through when he’s clearly not ready?
Since then, I’ve just
allowed myself to enjoy co-sleeping with my huggable little baby. I haven’t
slept straight since having Gabbie but it seems my body doesn’t need it
anymore. I can function as well so long as I get my eight, even interrupted,
sleep. God’s grace is more than sufficient.
I write because I know
how easily the perceived pressures of motherhood (and even wife-hood) can
easily rob us women of the joys of our roles in our family. I think that to a
mom especially, routine is important and we feel very strongly about
implementing them. But, it will get to the point where enjoying our children
and the family, will feel every bit as precious as the routine that we will
establish with him/her.
For instance, we have
slowly introduced Gabbie into our work and lifestyle. We produce videos for a
living and that sometimes requires long, long hours during production shoots.
When possible, my husband goes ahead and Gabbie and I just follow after he’s
had his meal and bath. If not, I just pick up Gabbie mid-day and we take him
along. He enjoys the people in our production crew, he thrives on the activity,
and when he’s hungry or sleepy, he knows Mommy’s just around the set. Sure, he
would sometimes sleep later than usual and meals may not be the healthiest but
a little change in schedule here and there teaches adaptability too, and it’s
good for him, for us.
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| Gabbie with Daddy on set |
Our role in our household
is important, and challenging enough. Let nothing, NOTHING, derail us from our
purpose. Not some book, not other people’s idea of how you should raise your
children, not a list of milestones you obtained online. As mothers, God has
equipped us with a unique ability to sense if our children are okay, or if
there’s something wrong. Spend time and take care of him personally to get to
know his cues and harness that intuition. Then, the best advice I can give is
this: As you pray for discernment, pray for grace. Grace to give graciously as
often as needed, grace to be the wife and mom you need to be in every different
season, grace to fulfill your own purpose, grace to help your family fulfill
theirs, and grace to become the whole, entire woman you were made to be as you
do all those things and more. All these things are possible, as they shall be
carried out to completion by the same Christ who began the good work in you.
(Philippians 1:6)
Happy mommyhood!
